Rules for Ghosting
by: Shelly Jay Shore
August 20, 2024 Dell
400 pages
Introducing readers to the main character of a book is a crucial part of setting the stage for what is to follow. In Rules For Ghosting, the moving debut romance from Shelly Jay Shore, the reader is immediately clued into the fact that the main character is trans. While the POV is third person, we are deeply in Ezra’s head, and we are therefore able to see the cognitive dissonance produced by how he thinks of himself and how the world perceives him. It’s such a gentle slide we hardly notice it happening. Which is why I was so busy contemplating how unfair life can be that I barely noticed the ghosts.
I probably share that fact with Ezra. He’s worked or volunteered in the family funeral home since he was a small child, but after the death of his grandfather, when he began to see ghosts, Ezra has avoided the place he once loved. I don’t blame him. It’s got to be pretty creepy to realize the Zeidy you’ve been talking to for weeks is actually dead. Unfortunately, that’s not the biggest revelation in Ezra’s life. Within the first few chapters his mother has announced that she’s been having an affair with their Rabbi’s wife, there are outside funeral corporations looking to buy out the struggling family business, and Ezra’s job as a yoga teacher is yanked out from under him. Which means he’s stuck going back to work at the funeral parlor to make up for his mothers absence while trying to untangle the financial mess the family is in.
Weirder? One of the ghosts is following him around and it just so happens to be the dead husband of the guy Ezra is crushing on. Yikes.
The potential for dark humor and bizarre shenanigans is epic, and indeed Rules for Ghosting does have a very tongue in cheek side. These siblings can banter like nobody’s business- which is good because every family holiday celebration we witness (Passover, Lag B’aomer) is a straight up disaster. We are talking literal dumpster fires. But we also see a strong element of found family in Ezra’s personal life, and there are extremely poignant scenes. My personal favorite was when Ezra’s family goes out of their way to accommodate a funeral for a queer client and Ezra discovers they go that extra mile for everyone.
Almost as immediately as we understand Ezra’s dysphoria, we also understand his psychological needs. He has a hard time asking for help, low self esteem, and in general is keeping the massive secret of seeing ghosts from everyone in his life. Watching him move through the process of dealing with all that is like watching a rebirth, which is apt given his preferred job is working as a birth doula. (Side note, I enjoyed all the doula scenes but there was one tiny thing that really bothered me about how Ezra described his job to his roommates. Don’t get hung up on it – keep going, one of the doula scenes is truly fantastic).
The choices made to have readers so deeply immersed in Ezra’s head made his life and emotional landscape much more visceral to me. There’s enough drama to fill a soap opera for several seasons in these pages, but that wasn’t what pulled me in. I enjoyed learning about Ezra, working through his issues with him, and meeting the tidal wave of support he receives when he is finally ready to accept it. Rules For Ghosting is not a cozy or sweet romance- there’s high stakes and one very spicy sex scene – but I would still describe it as a comfort book that made me feel cozy and loved. This might be a book populated by the dead, but it is about the living and left me feeling more alive.