Despite my textual Torah learning starting in first grade with Bereishit (Genesis), I somehow never seemed to make it past the first perek. (A perek is a smaller chunk of the parsha. You can think of it like a Chapter). English is my first spoken language, but I learned to read in Hebrew and Yiddish first, and I guess my school thought the whole reading, translating to two other languages, and then reciting was too much to do in any kind of volume at that age. Fair. But that omission means there are some delightful surprises every time I read Bereishit as an adult. There’s the fact that vegetation was created before the sun and moon (#TeamPlants), the very first named musician in history, not to mention the mysterious Nephilim, who are only mentioned once and yet capture my imagination every single time. But we’re going to leave those elusive giants to my future writing research, and instead focus on the worlds first romantic pairing, and one of my favorite romance novels, Rachel Lynn Solmon’s YA Masterpiece, Today, Tonight, Tomorrow, in which high school rivals Neil and Rowan must team up on an epic scavenger hunt across Seattle.
Adam and Eve by far do not necessarily resemble what I would think of as a paragon of romantic love. They don’t really choose each other, there’s simply nobody else around, and the minute things start to go wrong and God comes calling, they are each so fast to throw the other under the bus. That kind of blame game cannot be good for a marriage. Yet one of the blessings under the Jewish wedding canopy wishes the couple to rejoice just as the original couple did in Eden. Uhm, what? Did I miss something here?
There are some fascinating midrashim about whether there was in fact a different first woman, that the first human may have been an amalgam of both male and female, and don’t even get me started on what these two might have gotten up to during their over one hundred year separation. That is all good stuff – but it too will go to my writing research folder. I’ve always found comfort in the simple explanation that the joy is the very fact that there was nobody else to compare with. Keeping my eyes on my own paper has long been a struggle, and perhaps controlling jealousy is something I really should learn from Adam and Eve. In the same way, Neil and Rowan, must learn to stop comparing other people’s long distance relationships to their own, and do what works for them, in the sequel Past, Present, Future.
In any case, putting my petty jealousy issues aside as well, there are some unique aspects to Adam and Eve’s relationship that are wonderfully illustrated in Neil and Rowan’s enemies to lovers story. The phrase used for woman’s purpose “eizer kinegdo” is often translated in English as helpmate, but that is imprecise and incomplete. The first word – “eizer” – does indeed come from the root word for help, but “kinegdo” actually comes from the root word for opposition. While Rashi famously states that if the man is worthy, the woman will be a helper, but if he is unworthy she will be against him (note the emphasis on the partner needing to be righteous, not the woman being a natural shrew), I’d like to take it a step further. Sometimes opposition is exactly what is needed to help a person grow. In my favorite line, Neil tells Rowan that he attributes all his success in high school to her. Their rivalry is what pushed him to be better every day. He’s actually wondering what he’ll do in college without her. We should not live in the echo chambers of our minds, or even the tiny group of supporting friends we form around ourselves. It is healthy to engage with those who challenge us.
Before the creation of woman, the text states that it is not good for a human to exist alone without the stimulation and challenge provided by a partner. The description of Eve’s creation from Adam’s rib is often used by misguided people as proof that women are inferior. In fact, some Jewish commentators state that she was taken from the existing human to show that they are EQUAL (see above comment about them possibly originating as one single fused being). Otherwise, she could have been fashioned from dirt too, and they could have fought each other until the end of time for supremacy. Instead, we should know that neither will ever win that futile battle because we are all made of the exact same stuff, the same one body. Similarly, when Adam and Eve are cursed for eating from the Tree of Knowledge, fundamentalist misogynists the world over have used those phrases to claim that women should be subjugated to men, as it is divine will. They miss the point – THAT IS A CURSE for people who are not following God’s will. Not God’s desired state for humanity. In the ideal relationship, in which both parties are righteous, they are equal partners without anyone being subjugated to anyone else.
I don’t know about you, but I strive for the ideal, not the horrible cursed relationship. Neil and Rowan are a beautiful example of standing up for ones values while pushing your partner to achieve their full potential. We’ve come a long way to fixing labor pains and agriculture, let’s go ahead and try to work on relationship equality too. Which is what I believe God is really asking of us. To rebuild a better world, including better interpersonal relationships, so that the next time God comes calling it will not be to kick us out of Eden, but rather to welcome us back in since we finally demonstrate the ability to be the humans God knew all along we could be. Kind, respectful, generous partners who rejoice like the first couple in Eden.