Toldot is a fan favorite of Jewish day school children everywhere who love acting out the famous scene in which Yaakov pretends to be Eisav. No matter how limited their Hebrew skills, they all manage to memorize “hakol kol Yaakov vihayadayim yidei Eisva.” But if we look on this parsha with the eyes of adults, things start looking a whole less cute. There’s a lot to learn about both sibgling relationships and parenting here, and I think it pairs nicely with Elyssa Friedland’s novel Jackpot Summer.
It’s pretty clear Yaakov and Eisav are two very different people, even though they are twins. It’s also pretty clear that each parent had a favorite. Not a great combination, and the resulting sibling rivalry is still causing issues today. When we compete for our parents love, we end up losing each other. (Or, in this particular case, trying to kill each other, but I digress). In Jackpot Summer the Jacobson siblings are feeling lost after the passing of their mother, when three out of four of them win the lotto. Immediately, we are placed in an awkward resource limited situation. The brother who was formerly rich, and somewhat lording it over the other three, is now the poor one. Jealously and resentment fester on all sides, and everyone is even more lost than before the lotto ticket was purchased. Nobody is actively trying to kill anyone else, but it’s still pretty bleak,
Teaching each child according to their needs is a mainstay of Jewish education. One wonders what might have happened to Eisav if different parental methods were used on him vs. Yaakov. If they had not been marked in utero by a prophecy that labeled one as good and the other evil? Would he still have turned to idolatry and hunting? Could he have found a way to channel his natural abilities and gifts into something more productive? We’ll never know. I personally also wonder why only child could receive a blessing, and why one had to be placed over another as a Lord. I’m sure there are commentaries out there that address this issue, but I like to sit in the discomfort a little bit and let it teach me something. In the ideal situation each child feels like they are the favorite. That they are loved by their parents for their unique contributions. Only then, on that strong foundation, can their relationships survive resource allocation events like someone receiving the better blessing, or winning the lottery. The Jacobson’s, thanks to their childhood full of love and laughter, find a way to share their newfound resources and pull each up. Without anyone being a Lord over anyone else. If only Yaakov and Eisva had managed something similar, we’d be living in a very different world.